If you already know what is Softwool, you may want to skip to Softwool.
# History
In 2022, during the pandemic, me and three friends discussed about making an indie game development collective, something inspired by sokpop Given life circunstancies, three of us (me included) ended up unable to put the time and effort to make an initial batch of games to release.
The name Softwool come up between me and Gabriel while discussing the idea, at some point we were at SoftMary which was a pun with Software and "Maria Mole" (literal translation, also known as limp Mary) which is a popular dessert here, it looks like a marshmallow. We wanted something easy to search and recognize.
When Cauê finished an initial version of PISTOLA, we discussed about pivoting things so instead I'd use some money I've saved from my job to pay him for this work on the game, in exchange we'd share the revenue of the game between him and "Softwool" (our name as a collective), since the goal at first was just to "invest" on the collective as a project.
And although it was enough to afford Cauê's time while he worked on spare time, me and the others couldn't keep up with the initial plan to make three individual games each of us. Since everyone need to pay bills, we split from ThornDuck and Gabriel
# Softwool
PISTOLA was pretty much done when we decided to pivot from collective to this "studio" model and I had basically no involvement in the game besides minor hot-fixes. Cauê was already coming up with the concept of what became Torecower and in this game we started doing things in a more organized way.
After an initial version I did a lot of play-test of it and we iterated the initial game in order to improve playtime and address initial player feedback. In the meantime, we also got the help from Haydorf, which is both my cousin and best friend. He worked full-time as an accountant and was willing to help in his spare time with both his expertise and some project management/game design touches.
I wasn't being humble. Haydorf completely re-designed the skill tree, which was then implemented in the game by Cauê in Torecower's v1.3.0 It not only improved the whole game progression as increased the mean playtime in 50%
Note that up to this point Haydorf wasn't paid. Just willing to help because he believed in Softwool.
After Torecower was considerably improved and more "feature complete" to be considered an actual game, I was already messing with a prototype which got a lot of positive feedback and a few ideas to improve.
You see, it was a game about strategic combat using movement cards in one dimension. A common feedback was about adding vertical movement, which ended up being the main reason of me getting overwhelmed and also the downfall of Softwool.
# Project SKYP
Project SKYP, the codename for Skyward Pilgrimage, the new version of proto-card started wrong for a single reason: it's existence meant the main concept of it &emdash; which was the one dimension strategy &emdash; being thrown away, turning it essentially into a basic board turn based strategy game.
Don't get me wrong, I really like strategy games in general, there's a reason I always add strategy elements on my projects where I can, but back then I already knew that this wasn't the kind of game I had in mind. And compromising this vision ended compromising my interest in the project as well, even if I didn't assume that at first.
With the help of Haydorf and Cauê, we started looking for an artist for this project, so we started making a brief, got lots of resumes of amazing people and even comissioned individuals mockups for the game before taking a decision. While on twitter I ended up noticing someone on my notifications interacting with the posts and there it was Tulipa, not only an amazing artist but in fact they had contacted us via e-mail (we ended up discovering that the e-mail wasn't sent, but it existed hahahah), since I never received the e-mail, it was just a coincidence (or maybe their intentional interactions with my personal and Softwool's twitter)
Tulipa is very committed and a great artist. It was unfortunate for them that soon after they came aboard I started getting overwhelmed. I wasn't feeling good on my full-time job, it was hard to "manage" and deliver things, I wanted to keep it casual and at the same time professional and deliver things fast, which also got worsened by my frustrations being thrown at Cauê with both my fear of failure + concern about people opinion on us.
It felt exponentially bad to even think about the projects. And we did pretty cool stuff, such as a working prototype, some art and even an announcement teaser that we submitted to Wholesome Games (we weren't selected)
# The meltdown
At that time, I was still being tested, but I ended up later discovering that I'm not only on the spectrum, but I am twice exceptional person. I also discovered that I was melting down, and although I never had the experience of a burnout, with what I know about myself nowadays I discovered that I had a few other meltdowns during my life. I simply couldn't handle it. I didn't wanted to be "responsible" for people.
I'm not a manager. Having a team is great, but I'm a creator, not an entrepreneur.
Long story short, I wrote a huge ass letter telling about my decision to "end" Softwool, got all the savings I had for the next ~10 months of Softwool development and split between them. I was so afraid of having a conflict that I didn't take any of this (other than the revenue the games kept making later)
Some months later I'd also discover that I wasn't "just" having a meltdown but also had a 3rd degree AV block that made me need a pacemaker implant surgery.
# What then?
Well, I kept working on the games, doing mostly maintenance patches and working on Siege n Sow, "my own creation".
I still love making games but I want to keep it as something that I like, as I always loved. And at least I had the experience, I guess? If you're paying attention you may have noticed that up to know, Softwool never really died, and it won't. It'll just... change?
I've already made a new Discord Server, both to keep history of what was there, but I don't want to "hold" the name of something that was always a collective effort/idea to become "Cuca's studio" or something like that.
There are specific things, specially the Twitter and Steam accounts that aren't worth to create a new one, since I was always the one managing these, but the rest of community and the name itself is going away. It's not as if I was ashamed or something like that, it's just that doesn't seem right sticking to it being completely changed from what it was meant to be. Or I just hate myself so much that I keep coming back to the worst part of building something (naming it)?
After the initial excitement phase of Siege 'n Sow I noticed that I was moving a bit away from my objective, which is to make a game that I'd enjoy playing and started looking to finish something.
I'm aware that I am able to finish stuff and one of the reasons I have a full-time job outside of the games industry is to keep doing things the way I enjoy without depending of the revenue of my games. So the game may take longer, but it'll be better. At least for me.
Good for me seems good enough.
# Team
Well, it wouldn't make sense to say all that without giving kudos to the people who made this possible and were directly involved. So I really want to shout out to:
- Gabriel: now working in the beautiful Moth Kubit, we setup the first accounts together, came up with the name, the first visual identity. And even after Softwool, played some RPG sessions together;
- ThornDuck: made a lot of cool prototypes, and is working on a full fledged version of one of his games, The Warrior
- Cauê: I would never be able to say a game I actually worked on was on Steam if it wasn't by you. I'm so happy for the success Terracards is. I know I'm pretty annoying with you, but I have an affection and feel as if you were my younger brother.
- Haydorf: you've been one of my best friends forever. You heard me whining before everyone else when anything felt wrong and I really expect to work with you in the future, you have a really nice touch for being a producer/game designer.
- Tulipa: thanks for taking your bright to the team! I'm so glad to have worked and to got to know a bit more of you and the love you put in every pixel you make.
I am glad we made this story together. I don't think any of us will stop making games anytime soon. Thanks for everything.