# Life (and death)

I've already seen a couple of things about August being a sad month and things like that, and this one I guess I could relate.

On the first weeks I was informed that one person I met at Gamescom Latam passed away and this made me so sad. Can't explain much why, considering I've seen people die really close to me while in hospitals and while admitted on the ICU. He was there as a volunteer on Godot's Engine booth and had recently released his first commercial game on Steam. Other than these two facts (being an independent game developer and using Godot), we had little interaction and nothing specially in common.

But that really messed with my head. As I've said before I never actually thought of how would it be like to live adult life, so I guess I never really had the fear of losing people next to me, since it was obvious that I was going to pass earlier than everyone else.

Now I'm closer to thirties than twenties and this is fading away, I'm starting to think about things that were never a worry and I never expected to be so afraid of. Maybe this was just one thing on the pile that made me think a bit more about it... This is so weird, and I am really afraid. Being the one who "stays here" seems much worse to me.

# Social media

It just started a few days ago but well, Twitter is blocked here in Brazil and I am happy to not caring much about it. As I posted last month, I was already struggling a bit with being almost glued to it. So it feels like I was preparing for it.

What I am not happy about with is that there's still that feeling that * you have to * build a presence on places A and B (I personally was satisfied already with Mastodon) and of course most of the crowd would choose one of the other shiny options.

It feels a bit like if the cycle continues even people use multiple explanations to assure that now is different and that in new shiny place A you have [tons of features] that make it decentralized and more friendly which to me seems just like... Fediverse?

I'll try my best to in other platforms ensure that I'll use it only as a place to get seem and discover gamedev people for instance.

# Gamedev

I didn't have the time I wanted to thinker with Luxe, but I was able to do that with Defold! And it was pretty fun. I did a small project for GMTK 2024 that I didn't finished and want to eventually release it and open source it. It is meant to be a game for my little brother.

Also been learning more and struggling a bit with pathfinding, A*, steering behaviors and related techniques. Ugh, graphs!

Other than that, I've been wanting to start a separate blog for going a bit deeper on game design, probably in Portuguese instead since I think it would be much more beneficial for people even if it doesn't reach as much as it would in english.

It would be a great usage for mydomain.com that I get some months ago. And this dot dev maybe become something more work-related? I don't know. I am so bad at organizing stuff.

But I've been still struggling with meltdowns and don't want to commit to anything I can't right now. Let's see.